Sunday Morning is my favorite morning because Sunday Morning (Maroon 5).. is my favorite song.. Singing along to that song makes me feel like i am in love..
Today i was listening to it as i was running my errands and the next song that came on was "Me, Myself and I" .. Beyonce.. which was an old favorite at a certain dark point in my life..
The blend of the two songs helped me unravel the confusion i have been feeling this past week..
I am a commitement phobe, and i realized today that its not because i am afraid of surrendering to one person but becasue i have trust issues.. this is not because a man screwed me over and hurt me.. its because this man who hurt me and severely screwed me over happens to be my father..
the part that hurts me is that i feel i cant trust anyone .. and how could i surrender myself when i feel the urge to cut them off the minute i start feeling something.. or worse when they show me that they feel toward me..
As screwed up as that sounds i have managed to bury that and tuck it under the bed and have resumed a perfectly normal life.. consumed in pursuing my career and burying myself with endless tasks to get there..
but i wrote this post not to face things as much as it was for someone in specific.. who i feel i have not been entirely fair to..
how would you feel love if you spent a long time teaching yourself how to live without it.. and telling yourself that it is unnecessary..
but to my bestfriend.. i love you in my own way..
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7 comments:
*Hug*
I know what you mean. Trusting people is a hard thing to achieve. We all have trouble with it.
Good luck sweetie :*
thank you delicate for that sweet comment :)
Khalil Gibran said it best:
Then said Almitra, "Speak to us of Love."
And he raised his head and looked upon the people, and there fell a stillness upon them.
And with a great voice he said:
When love beckons to you follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.
For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.
Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.
All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.
But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.
When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, I am in the heart of God."
And think not you can direct the course of love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
Love has no other desire but to fulfil itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.
As for your bestfriend .. the true ones stick with you regardless. Hang in there, as long as they understand what you are going through .. they will continue to be there for you.
BuGabandar...
Speechless ;/
Thank you.. you made my day
sweet post. I feel for you... best of luck in everything :)
thank you Krispy Dixie.. you too :)
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