Just a thought.
A family member of mine asked why I havent married yet, and I answered the standard answer of "I havent found the right person". And she remarked that its not that I haven't found the right person, its the fact that my criteria doesnt make any sense, I should be happy to marry someone that has the following specifications:
1. good + compatible family
2. good person, good future potential
3. Acceptable looks
I agreed to get on with it, and later mentioned it to a close friend who shocked me by answering that I am only interested in people who are not interested in marriage to begin with, meaning to serious, too interested in their work, no time for relationships.
Its true, I am attracted to success, and not any success, success that has not been inherited.
Which brings me to the title of this post, for men, is success the substitute for Love?
I have met many successful young men, single young men that is, in my line of work and through family etc, and the common denominator was that they were all not interested in relationships or marriage, and they are close to thirty or even a bit older. One even told me in a discussion that "love, relationships are over rated".. is this true? Is it true that the over ambitious, cut throat competitors are not interested and not even thinking of ever having a family?
" if a man wants the power to build the highest tower, then that's his substitute for - LOVE"
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18 comments:
from my experience that doesnt happen to all men!
but a very high % of them; they choose work "success" over love.
or at least after reaching the place that make them feel satisfied with work, then they turn to love!
i.e. after having enough from work!
So in my case i chose to success in my work cuz i cant do both!!
to me its either love "family" or work "success".
i cant establish both!! maybe cuz i dont want both in the same time.. either one of them will be fine with me and will make me happy with my life!
Crazy isn't it?
There is no substitute for the feeling of completeness that love brings.
My advice is never settle for anything less than Mr right, Mr “perfect for you”.. there IS a special someone for everyone .. too bad people get married for the wrong reasons,, I hate it when people “decide” to get married.. or when they marry because “its time to do so” .. people should get married because they found their match their soul mate and they want to live the rest of their lives together building happiness and help each other be the best you can be..
Interesting, I second that success might replace love or family for a period of time. The overwhelming satisfaction of accomplishment is addictive that it might skew men from what they should be doing.
The reason for the “might” is that in case love escapes you, then work can fill the place temporarily. But really doing it on purpose and setting the mind toward that end is inexplicable to me. Sacrificing all the emotional bless for the sake of a brief satisfactory feeling!!
A man succeeds but for what purpose really!! What does it mean to be successful when there is no one else to share it with him?
Abandoning relations and then getting used to that emotional detachment to the point it turns to be the default setting for the personality. And thus turning into a machine that is going to rust for the lack an emotional maintenance. It's a scary outcome.
Who do really care for someone’s else success!! Unless they are family and friends. He wants to succeed, I can’t emphasize enough on that, BUT doesn’t he need someone to witness it with him and really share it with him?
Running away from marriage for whatever reason and immersing into work is comprehended, but for the sake of success!! It shall forms a very materialistic life sucked from its essence.
Indeed the emotional detachment is the constant fuel for such ongoing addiction. You just engulf yourself into perfecting the life you want and you never stop trying to have it fully intact. With that the cost might be severe, the more detached the more involvement in you are immersed and the far you get away from being truly alive.
I wonder how long does it take for the high feeling of success to wear off and to start realizing that the amount we are having isn’t satisfying us anymore and an extra dose is needed. We will be sucked into that cycle till one day things shall burst and the ultimate question shall arise, was it worth it? Was it the right path? Will I do it again if I ever have been granted to go back in time?
I agree, alot of men I know use their family's name or father's bussiness title to get girls. and alot of girls fall for this.
"ana oboy modeer sharika."
"well good for him"
"ana Ag6er floos"
"no hun ur broke, this is ur daddy's money. get off ur tush, get a job, be something".
I agree, alot of men I know use their family's name or father's bussiness title to get girls. and alot of girls fall for this.
"ana oboy modeer sharika."
"well good for him"
"ana Ag6er floos"
"no hun ur broke, this is ur daddy's money. get off ur tush, get a job, be something".
with respect to all comments, who ever chooses success over love then this shows a weak personality and unorganized. my life became successful and created a successful business because of my love support, it is an important part of any couples life, it’s just a matter of daily life organization trust me.
i hope you visit www.q80s.com and share with me your comments; it’s my new personal blog.
im engaged now and because of my work and because she is a hard worker and doin masters i respect her and love her even more and more . so i dont think i prefer business on marriage ! bel3aks business will be perfect if im married with someone i love and thakeya ;p
Hello,
Let's just say that for some guys:
Love = Success
and others
Success = Love
pretty simple eh?
Every man is bound to fall in love someday, and when he does the whole men who love success category stops containing him.
I have sure heard about girls falling for 30-ish guys who are docters engineers, and it almost always ends up in complete failure due to the dude not want anything serious. Other times its just love in the air and things change for him and her.
You certainly shouldn't quit on the man of your dreams, and although marriage for the sake of marriage is frowned upon a fair bit from this generation, the old generation still believe its the way to be, married and complete. Good luck!
i think men or women who choose work success over love will be very satisfied with life until all their friends and relatives are too busy with their families. when the time comes for them to retire.
They will be lonely people with no one to talk to, no one who cares about them, no one to love them. this reminds me of the last scene of the godfather part three, where the rich old man with no family left is sitting alone with no one around him. He just falls off his chair and dies.
I totally agree with ur post. You're very articulate mashallah.. And I hope I'm right when I say (U r who I think u r right my dear friend?)
men arnt the only ones who do this by the way. women, when deprived of love, also substitue it with material things. this doesnt apply to everyone. bas it does happen
its all missplaced feelings and repressions. . man people are unhealthy nowadays. .
too much to say..
what you have said has been insightful, and some hopeful..
i too agree that women dive into work to avoid broken hearts
okay i might be little young to give my opinion but i've been in a relationship a long "term One" & it's over now .To be honest with you since it's over & i've been hurt so bad i've removed the idea of getting married , love , relationship ..etc. And now i'm stepping a head for a new period of my life .I'm studying to become an eng. & i got inventions to work on , To the best always is my title now ..
i don't know how is it truth "for men , success is the substitute for love" .. but it is just true.
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